I heard a lot about creative accounting practises before I did of a creative writing course. There’s a thought of certain freedom that comes with the word creative, whether it be in accounting or writing. Being creative has become to mean not having to submit oneself to an absolute rule or at the very least, the permission to bend whatever rule there is. Creative works, that especially in the realm of the art, can almost always get away with anything, nothing is ever considered really bad as bad is as long as it is a creative work and criticisms becomes just matter of opinion.
Now, getting away with almost anything is something to have, not that I think I am a bad creative writer nor do I mind negative criticisms. I cannot decide whether the lack of need of others approval is a good thing or not. But for now, I know it cannot be bad for me. Doing things for myself has been my living motto for the last two years and it took me across one country to another, one region to another and one course to another, sort of one life to another, really. If one has felt lost for most of life, a new labyrinth will not scare, but rather presents a fresh path in one’s hope to discover something of life that is different from that of what has come before.
The question that begets an answer now is why did I choose to be where I am, and why creative writing? It’s not an easy question to brilliantly answer for one who is where she is now only because everywhere she’s been was a disappointment. Am I an escapee of my own life? Maybe. When one’s life is preceded with years of over-enthusiasms about the world that only yielded too much disenchantment, one takes the blows with learning to level off expectations. No, I am not yet a cynical old fool. I know I still hold within me my hopes of an ideal life. And I now realized that I am still shopping for the best buy of life.
Having chosen UP Mindanao and deciding I want to be in her Creative Writing course, I came without expectations. Don’t really know why for sure, except perhaps I have underestimated from the very start what anything in life might still teach me. I came to my first week in school with nothing but my own peace, I have nothing to give, but I will take whatever I will find I need.
I was sitting by the tables outside the classrooms between the registrar’s office and CHSS buildings, during one of my breaks –which I found to be plenty in the first week of school- it was so quiet and there was no one to talk to, and then was the first time I have thought to myself of why am I here? I remember sending a text- message to my friend Jon: “pare, was sup? studying in UP Min is like being in a religious retreat hehehe so quiet here, pare, close to nature, no shopping mall, can’t get a donut hehehe”. Jon’s reply made me smile: “Pare, running my own restaurant is a religious experience too- penitential! Just move (back) to Manila.”
Most of my friends thought of me as very brave, having left my “successes” behind to rediscover life. Who has that luxury, really, nowadays? Some friends are sceptical for me though. They’ve seen me journey from one place to another, literally and figuratively, that they do not think I can last long living in Mindanao. The truth is I don’t know for sure, either. There is too much irony in life, I’ve learned too. Taking control of my own life has also mean letting go of it –letting what has to happen, happen.
And I am here now, doing the very thing I want to do now, in the place where I want to be now. That’s what matters to me now. Things will change, it’s an absolute certainty I’ve, too, learned to expect with life, but when and how, not even my smartest self can say.
My professor asks what level and what genre of creative writing I think I am in now. I don’t know, really. Everything is relative to where I am in my life right now. I am okay to be unsure yet, but I am discovering.
Now, getting away with almost anything is something to have, not that I think I am a bad creative writer nor do I mind negative criticisms. I cannot decide whether the lack of need of others approval is a good thing or not. But for now, I know it cannot be bad for me. Doing things for myself has been my living motto for the last two years and it took me across one country to another, one region to another and one course to another, sort of one life to another, really. If one has felt lost for most of life, a new labyrinth will not scare, but rather presents a fresh path in one’s hope to discover something of life that is different from that of what has come before.
The question that begets an answer now is why did I choose to be where I am, and why creative writing? It’s not an easy question to brilliantly answer for one who is where she is now only because everywhere she’s been was a disappointment. Am I an escapee of my own life? Maybe. When one’s life is preceded with years of over-enthusiasms about the world that only yielded too much disenchantment, one takes the blows with learning to level off expectations. No, I am not yet a cynical old fool. I know I still hold within me my hopes of an ideal life. And I now realized that I am still shopping for the best buy of life.
Having chosen UP Mindanao and deciding I want to be in her Creative Writing course, I came without expectations. Don’t really know why for sure, except perhaps I have underestimated from the very start what anything in life might still teach me. I came to my first week in school with nothing but my own peace, I have nothing to give, but I will take whatever I will find I need.
I was sitting by the tables outside the classrooms between the registrar’s office and CHSS buildings, during one of my breaks –which I found to be plenty in the first week of school- it was so quiet and there was no one to talk to, and then was the first time I have thought to myself of why am I here? I remember sending a text- message to my friend Jon: “pare, was sup? studying in UP Min is like being in a religious retreat hehehe so quiet here, pare, close to nature, no shopping mall, can’t get a donut hehehe”. Jon’s reply made me smile: “Pare, running my own restaurant is a religious experience too- penitential! Just move (back) to Manila.”
Most of my friends thought of me as very brave, having left my “successes” behind to rediscover life. Who has that luxury, really, nowadays? Some friends are sceptical for me though. They’ve seen me journey from one place to another, literally and figuratively, that they do not think I can last long living in Mindanao. The truth is I don’t know for sure, either. There is too much irony in life, I’ve learned too. Taking control of my own life has also mean letting go of it –letting what has to happen, happen.
And I am here now, doing the very thing I want to do now, in the place where I want to be now. That’s what matters to me now. Things will change, it’s an absolute certainty I’ve, too, learned to expect with life, but when and how, not even my smartest self can say.
My professor asks what level and what genre of creative writing I think I am in now. I don’t know, really. Everything is relative to where I am in my life right now. I am okay to be unsure yet, but I am discovering.
November 19, 2007
Davao City
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